Anamnesis
by Forever in Your Heart
Summary: Every relationship has a moment that defines it. This is the moment that defines theirs. SasuSaku


Sakura figures it's this moment right here that defines them.

You'd think it'd be difficult to find just one moment, after all they've been through, after all the years. But for her, that one moment is an easy pick. After everything, she has favourite moments _(like the time he told her he loved her) _and least favourite moments _(like the time he tried to kill her)_ but the defining moment is obvious.

_(It's dark and cold, or maybe it's just the fear that's making her blood freeze)_

**(It's too bright and the sun's too hot, or maybe it's just the fear that's making her sweat)**

(It's gray and mild, or maybe it's just the fear that's making her numb)

It's sunny and warm and it isn't fear that's making her find the bright side.

_(She's never been so scared in her life. It's the middle of the night and she should be asleep, safe and warm in bed. Instead she's standing outside, waiting, waiting for him because she knows, she knows, that sooner or later he'll wander by, wander out those gates and never come back. She has to stop him. She knows it's her only chance and she can't lose it, can't lose him. She has to stop him, somehow, someway. She has to make him stay. She feels like her fear is eating her away and Please God, let her stop him)_

**(She shields her eyes from the glare of the sun and forces herself to remain outwardly calm. Her heart's pounding, her nerves are on fire and she can feel sweat sliding down her forehead. It's the middle of the day and the sun's beating down like an executioner. She should be inside, seeking refuge from the heat. Instead she's standing outside, waiting, waiting for him. Sooner or later he'll wander by and she'll try and talk him out of leaving and he won't listen and she won't be surprised and she wonders why she even bothers. Truth is, she still believes in miracles)**

(She's numb all over and she can't feel a thing. It's the middle of the afternoon and she should be inside filling out paperwork. Instead she's standing outside, waiting, waiting for him. She's read the mission details, knows it's a suicide mission. She knows she can't ask him to stay because he's a ninja and this is his job and she's a ninja too, so she should know this but she'll ask him anyway. And she knows that while she's asking they'll both be a little ashamed of her but shame be damned she can't lose him. She could blame her condition but they both know hormones have nothing to do with it)

She is holding his hand as they move through the streets at a loping pace. Its mid morning and she would love to be asleep in bed, for once catching a few extra minutes of rest but she's not. Instead she's outside, walking hand in hand with him towards the gates. They are both quiet, comfortably so, and she contemplates his leaving. She'll miss him, of course, but she is confident in his abilities and in the fact that Naruto will never let anything happen to him.

_(And he's standing in front of her, like a man made of marble, beautiful and haunting and she can feel her heart fluttering in her chest. His eyes are darker than the night sky and without any pinprick of light. She knows this is her moment, she knows it's now or never but as midnight eyes bore into her own, she finds herself frozen, caught in his eyes and the ice that surrounds him)_

**(And there he is, tall and daunting, though he doesn't scare her. She sighs, knowing she's wasting her time and tries not to let her emotions overwhelm her. This is a pointless endeavor because he will do this and he will prove to the village he can be trusted and she shouldn't even be bothering but who knows, maybe he'll decide to stay. Stranger things have happened)**

(And he arrives and he sees her and he sighs and lowers his head because he knows why she's here. She tries to move but she thinks she's paralysed and it isn't until he's passing right beside her, fingers grazing hers, that she remembers how to breathe. She grabs his hand, squeezes tight and launches in and she knows she's wrong to even ask him not to go but she stopped caring about that a long time ago)

His fingers are warm in hers as they near the edge of the village and she keeps a small smile on her lips until they come to a stop and he turns to face her. She can see the gates looming in the distance and knows the time is soon. She can see Naruto, Hinata and their children exchanging goodbyes nearby and her smile widens at the corners. Her children are not here, having said their goodbyes at home. It is simply her and her husband and her eyes meet his as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

_(She's begging and screaming, crying and reaching, desperate and hysterical. She doesn't even know what she's saying anymore, the words tumbling out in a waterfall rush. She's spouting anything she can to make him see he belongs here, in Konoha. It's her only chance and she can feel him slipping away, like raindrops spilling through her fingers. She has to stop him, she has to)_

**(As she talks, she gets the supreme impression that he isn't even listening to what she has to say. She isn't surprised, but she does find it mildly offensive. She knows he feels he has to do this, to prove that he is loyal to the village, that he can be trusted. Honestly, she doesn't think it'll change a thing, the people who will trust him already do and those that don't, won't, no matter what he does. It's a useless risk but he brushes that aside and she wonders why boys have to be so stubborn)**

(Most of her words don't even make sense as she blubbers. She tries to hold herself together but nothing's working. She's come so far from the girl who tried to stop him fifteen years ago and she's better than this, she knows she is. It's shameful, the way she can barely speak through the tears. But she knows this is a suicide mission, hell everyone knows and the looks of pity they've been shooting her make her want to vomit. This is her husband, the father of her baby and she doesn't care how shameful it is, she'll beg until he stays)

They don't say much because they don't have to. They already know all the important things. She can see a thousand words in his eyes and she knows hers are reflecting it all right back at him. She doesn't cry because she knows he'll be home soon. She checks her watch, her shift is starting soon and he has to leave. She squeezes his hand, murmurs a few last minute reminders and returns his gentle smile.

_(And she's lost him and she knows she has. It's too late, she's blown her chance and just before she crumples like a wet noodle, he's there, cool breath caressing her neck. Her world stops spinning for all of a second, just in time to hear him whisper. "Thank you." She doesn't think she's ever heard anything more heartbreaking)_

**(And she knows times up and he's leaving, but she never expected any different. She doesn't cry or scream or beg. Simply nods as he walks past, acknowledges what she already knew. He was going no matter what she did to try and stop it. And their eyes meet for the briefest of seconds and she wonders if he can see how much it hurts to let him walk out those gates again. But this time she doesn't say a word, simply lets him walk away)**

(And she knows he has to go now and there's nothing more she can do to stop him. He hesitates and then pulls her close for only a heartbeat and she knows that if it were any longer she'd never let go. He turns and walks away and she can't tear away her eyes from his back, her heart splitting down the middle as he disappears)

And now Naruto's harassing him and he rolls his eyes and she smiles, pulls him down for a kiss and bids him goodbye. She waves to them both as they leave and laughs when Naruto trips because he's too busy watching Hinata. Just before he walks out the doors, he turns and she blows him a kiss and he smiles and she feels her heart warm before she watches him disappear.

_(And she lies unconscious on a park bench, dreaming of a boy who'll never come home)_

**(And she stands tall and resolute; inwardly crying for a boy she fears will never come home)**

(And she crumbles, knees meeting pavement and hands over eyes, praying for a boy to come home)

And she smiles a little smile, knowing her boy will come home.

Sakura knows that the moment that defines them, is goodbye.

And the knowledge that goodbyes are never forever.


End file.
